Ding ding ding!!!

TrainerGuy made a comment that he wants me to realize it's okay to "just eat". He said that when we first started working out together, and I have to say it kinda pissed me off. I felt like he didn't even know me, didn't know ANYTHING about my food addiction, and everything I've had to do to achieve my current weight loss success.

I mean, I can't "just eat". "Just eating" got me to my morbidly obese state last year. Pfft ... telling a food addict to "just eat" is like telling an alcoholic to drink but not swallow ...

I've been smoldering ever since then, but seriously, as I'm sitting here, listening to the drawbridge bell ringing outside my window, something finally clicked inside of me. It's like the ringing outside is celebrating the huge lightbulb that just went on over my head.

I refrain from eating "bad foods" because I've been afraid (and I know) once I start, I can't stop. But why ... why can't I stop? It's not the food's fault. Food doesn't control me. Food doesn't tell me to eat it, hand over fist, shoveling whatever it is down my gullet to escape from my insecurities. Food doesn't jump into my shopping cart at the market. It doesn't magically appear in my car, or in my purse, or in my desk drawer at work.

Food is just food. Food is fuel. Food is what my body needs in order to do what I want it to do.

I'm in control. (Okay, actually GOD is in control, but you know what I mean) ...

I see now that I've been sort of subletting my power and my control to food. And I've paid dearly because of it. Here I am, woe is me, I'm a food addict and I'm afraid of food, waaah, waaaah, waaaaaaahhh ..

I've been making a big deal and it's all my own fault. Blaming my food addiction on situations that occured in my past is a cop-out. Just because xyz happened, doesn't mean xyz forced me to eat M&Ms until the cows came home. I chose to escape the pain and memories of xyz by eating M&Ms until I couldn't even think about xyz anymore, which never really worked. After eating all those M&Ms, all I could think about was how bloated and disgusting I felt. Which then led me to think about what a failure I was. Which led me to think things would never get better. Which led me to waddle over to the store to buy more M&Ms.

I chose to do that to myself. ME.

I just realized I have the choice to stop being a food addict.

I choose to take back control, and not be afraid.

If you are suffering from an addiction, please do not take offense to what I'm saying. I'm talking purely about my own life and my own experiences.

But the bottom line is ... I'm in control.

---

Fridays are whole body workout days with TrainerGuy. He takes certain exercises from my Monday and Tuesday workouts and throws them all together...

4 min warm-up on elliptical (instead of my usual 5 minute warm up. I was late to my workout because we had a big storm overnight and some of the streets were closed off due to standing water).

Stretching w/ TrainerGuy

15 - 20 reps each of:

A1: Chest press and squats with functional trainer
A2: Mountain climbers
A3: Boxing (cross jabs, uppercuts, and speedball)
A4: Crunches on the stability ball
* repeat this set 3 times

15 - 20 reps each of:

B1: Hips ups on medicine ball
B2: Overhead cross rows with functional trainer
B3:Woodchops with functional trainer
* repeat this set 3 times

Finish up on elliptical

4 mins @ 145 - 150 bpm (I'm at 154)
3 mins @ 150 - 155 bpm (I'm at 163)
2 mins @ 155 - 160 bpm (I'm at 168)
1 min @ 170+ bpm (I'm at 176)
2 min recovery (back down to 160)

Today's workout was really good - I felt very strong and energized, but still not quite 100% from being sick. All that mattered was I felt better today than yesterday, so that makes today a success in my book!

xo,