I have to fall down in order to learn how to soar ...

Confession time.

It's scary amazing how my horrible food addiction is just lying dormant beneath my skin, like those robots in War of the Worlds, patiently waiting to wake up and take over. All they need is one slip up, and they've wrestled all my success and hard won efforts out of my hands.

It's so easy to listen to their siren call and let them lull me, crashing in back into apathy ... it's scary how quickly I gave up everything and welcomed overeating back into my life.

I know what I'm doing. I know I'm making unhealthy choices. I know I can stop. I know I can do better.

But I chose not to.

I fell into the trap of thinking I deserved to give in to temptation. That I somehow earned the right to overeat.

Yeah, right.

I'm dumb, I'm stupid, I'm an idiot.

I'm strong, I'm fierce, I'm determined.

I'm all these things, and so much more.

I feel like my dieting life thus far has been like the story "The Three Little Pigs." My beginning struggle with weight loss (which resulted in my weight gain to over 255 lbs), was like the first piggy, building a house of straw. I built my house (aka fad diets, gimmicks, programs) with straw, hoping it would protect me from the big bad wolf (aka my food addiction). These diets and gimmicks were dumb, and just like the house of straw, blew down with just the slightest whisper from the big bad wolf (aka temptation).

After years of grasping at straws, I decided to build my house with sticks. I learned that straw houses (aka fad diets, gimmicks, etc.) were stupid. So I built a house of strong, sturdy sticks (aka clean eating). I only picked the strongest, straightest sticks and was very strict with building my stick house. I accepted no compromise, regardless of the situation (aka never giving in to temptation). The big bad wolf had a little harder time trying to blow down my house of sticks, but he sure did. The big bad wolf knew I was living a life too extreme to have any longlasting measure of success, and he knew it was only a matter of time before he could come knocking on my door and blow my house down.

Today finds me greatly wisened up, and following the footsteps of the third piggy, and am building my house with bricks. I already have a great foundation set in stone ... but I have to build upon it, day by day, brick by brick.

I've learned I need balance in my life. I cannot live in extremes, and must find balance. I need to build myself a home of brick ... brick that is strong and secure ... it's cool in the summer and warm in the winter ...

I realized this morning that I have to fall down in order to learn how to soar. I have to fail in order to realize how passionately, intensely and fiercely I want to succeed.

And trust me, I want it bad!