When the going gets tough

So when everything goes wrong, and you're having an absolutely hellish day ... what do you do? Do you give up, say FML, and throw all your hard work out the window? Do you say WTF, and medicate yourself with food, figuring you'll get back on track tomorrow? But then what happens when tomorrow comes and it's still a horribly crummy day? And the day after that ...

This somewhat happened to me - Wednesday was a really really really tough day on me with work and extended family issues. I literally thought I was at my breaking point, and pretty much was ... towards the middle of the afternoon, it felt like something snapped inside of me, and I immediately envisioned myself standing on a craggy rock, staring down a tsunami wave on monstrous proportions just ready to crush me. And what did I do in this vision? Did I run or whimper or scream in terror? Oh hells to the no - I was ANGRY! I screamed at that wave - "BRING IT ON!" and "YOU CAN'T BREAK ME!"

This all happened within a few seconds, and I it was so surreal ... and you know what? I didn't feel better, I was still stressed and frazzled, but I knew it wouldn't break me. I knew I was strong and I would make it through the day. And I did! I went to bed with a heavy heart and the weight of my world on my shoulders. I talked to Jesus and gave him all my worries and stress and asked him to stay by my side. And, this morning, I woke up with hope in my heart - I knew Jesus would never leave me, that all I really need is Him. And that made a world of difference.

It was almost as if I could feel His pride in me for toughing it out yesterday, for NOT giving in to my food addiction, because He surely knew exactly how tempted I was. Like an alcoholic or drug addict uses their crutch to make the pain go away, in the past, I would use food to do the same.

Deanna made a comment on Tuesday saying she can't wait to get to the point where she has control over food and not vice versa. I know you'll get there Dee, you are so incredibly strong! There is no magic to this - one day I just realized that all food does is prolong the stress/pain/issues. It does NOTHING to make the issues go away, and NOTHING to help me achieve my weight loss goals. I ask myself ... what's more important - getting this immediate, but fleeting pleasure, or the pleasure I'll feel when I reach my goal? I also ask, if I'm really going to give up what I want the most for what I want right now.

I'll tell ya - I'm not perfect. There are times, that YES DAMMIT, I want that temptation item more than what I want in the long run, and I will have it. I have to give in once in a while. I'm not perfect. And I'm okay with that :)



Here are my workouts in review:

Wednesday
AM: 3 mile run, EA Active Day 4
PM: P90X Day 2: Plyometrics

Thursday
AM: EA Active Day 5
PM: P90X Day 3: Shoulders & Arms, Ab Ripper X

Also ... drumroll please ... I've lost 2.6 lbs since starting P90X! Yep, 2.6 lbs in 2 days! Oh yeah!!

xo,


“Whenever you make a mistake or get knocked down by life, don't look back at it too long. Mistakes are life's way of teaching you. Your capacity for occasional blunders is inseparable from your capacity to reach your goals. No one wins them all, and your failures, when they happen, are just part of your growth. Shake off your blunders. How will you know your limits without an occasional failure? Never quit. Your turn will come.” Og Mandino

7 comments:

Fat[free]Me said...

Yeah, when I get days like this, the old me would have run not walked to stuff food in my face as quickly as possible, now I refuse to do it. People/things may try to break me, but they are not going to make me fat any more!

I love this post of yours, it is a good reminder to have faith and to keep on with the battle - love ya!

Fran said...

Talking about strong women: you certainly are one of them and I'm proud that I may read your blog. You inspire and motivate.

I'm glad for you things look better the next day.

xxx

Amy said...

Good for you for staying strong! I feel similar emotions... and have given in a bit on fighting back. But I've done very well on the food this week! The healthy feeling and knowing that I'll look better in a matter of weeks is great motivation.

Jenn said...

Hey Michelle,
I've got an award for you over at my blog today - come by and see!
http://watchmybuttshrink.blogspot.com/2009/09/givin-some-lovin.html

Betsy said...

I love this! I feel the same way and I think I'm actually getting to the point where food no longer controls me. I mean I still love food like crazy, but I know I can't go overboard. I'm getting there...there are still some days when I overindulge, but I'm more aware of it.

I'm so proud of you and while reading I had the "Yes Jesus loves me, yes jesus loves me, Yes Jesus loves me! The bible tells me so" song in my head!

2.6 lbs!?! GO'HEAAAAAAD!

~*~ Beckie-Lynn ~*~ said...

Oh Michelle... I SO love your attitude and determination. PRAISE GOD for giving over the temptation and remembering your priorities. It's incredible what God will do in and through us when we are just ready and willing... you GO girl!

Man, days like that TOTALLY suck.. I hate 'em. I am working, one day at a time, to be strong enough to kick them in the butt, too!

CONGRATS!!!

Beckie-Lynn

WriterMarie said...

Thank you for this post Michelle, it has been a couple of rough days, and we all need the reminder that God is really in charge and we need to give it all over to Him. You are a strong woman...and your strength comes from the right place! xoxoxo

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